Looking back now.
When people ask me if I would do things differently in my past if given the chance…
I would. In regards to friendships, I would have taken them more seriously. I don’t regret the fun and memories that I have made, but I did take some of my friendships for granted.
This life I tell ya! It’s been a learning process.
A good one though!
So the the friends I have lost along the way and the one’s that I’m not so close to anymore…
It’s not that I did not care about you, I just used to get wrapped up in the fun and forget about the most important parts of a friendship. Never did I intend on being insincere, I just wanted to have fun all of the time. I never slowed down for a second to realize that maybe my you just needed me. You needed my attention, or at least to feel like I was listening. If you never felt it, it didn’t matter if I was really listening.
I’ve learned that how you make people feel matters. You don’t just get to say “That’s my best friend, go best friend” when you’re wrapped up in yourself and not giving back to the friendship. To be completely honest, I never realized how selfish I probably came across until these past two years.
What I really want you to know, is that I never intended to be that way. I never wanted my friendships to end, but they did. They have made me stronger.
There is one friend in particular that I hope reads this. You know who you are if you do read this. You were my sidekick, the peanut butter to my jelly, the one and only person who knows every little detail about me. I invested a lot into you and you did the same. I certainly wish things wouldn’t have gone south. The way I handled situations weren’t exactly the best roads I could have taken. I’ll never forget the night we had a heart to heart in a bathroom or the time you talked me through the worst senior prom night in history. Oh, and I really will never forget the time that a bird shit on you (that’s kinda outta of place, but I’m good at doing that). Out of everything that has happened what I want you to know the most is that I love you! I hope that life is treating you well and that you spread life and laughter wherever you walk.
“Well I don’t drink as much as I used to
Lately, it just ain’t my style
And the hard times don’t hurt like they ought to
They pass quicker, like when I was a child”
I was wrong. The good thing about being wrong is that you can always change and do it right the next go around. I’ve lost a few great friendships along my learning journey! However, I still have some great people that are still in my life and they have endured my faults and continued to stick by my side. They are truly blessings.
The best part about the journey is that you’re always learning. Do I wish I could rekindle some of those friendships? You bet! However, to dwell on it would be unhealthy. I keep moving forward because I know that one day the person I am today will make someone else a great friend. I know the value of friendship today, and I absolutely cherish it.
In 2015 when I moved back home was a terrified. It was anything but ideal. I hated high school and I felt like I was going back to my personal hell. In high school I felt like I was a loner. I had “friends”, but I never really felt like I was truly connected to anyone until I moved and went to college. Home was where the friends weren’t. After moving back home for a year, I had a very limited amount of individuals I hung out with.
Living at home for a year, I learned:
- Appreciate and cherish the friends you DO have, even if they live far away (most of mine do).
- If you think someone doesn’t like you, OH WELL, be kind anyway! You’ll probably find #3 applicable.
- A lot of it is in your head! Don’t let that noggin get in your way. I personally struggle with this.
- It’s not about going out and taking pictures to post to show and brag about how your friendship is “the best” (if it is great). It’s about being able to call your friend at whatever time of day it is and say “Hey, I need some help.” and they show up 5min later ready to get whatever it is fixed or figured out. It’s about the friends who want to be around your family. It’s about doing without expecting and vice versa.
- Real friends are rare friends.
Since I moved to west Texas I have actually found a handful of pretty good friendships that I am grateful for. I really didn’t think I would be able to find friends in the middle of a desert town. As for the few friends I had before my move, I still have them.
For now, life is good.